Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Im graduating...TOMORROW!
Today was a pretty good day. Graduating tomorrow, and I could have just Twittered this. LOL.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
WAK110307... until... *sigh.
So.. I haven't blogged in a while.. But I have alot to let out...
It hurts to know that the person you love so much, the person that you had a relationship.. that person which is your very first TRUE love, and had so many experiences with.. thinks that everything we did.. was NOT worth it... That hit me real bad.. I've been bawlin' since I was at Keiths house, in the car, and when I got home, until now.. To know that something so big to someone, where it's basically your everything, from tendencies to what you're thinking in your head, can be minimized and erased, basically turning it into nothing.. It really sucks when you're lead on to thinking you have a bright future with someone, having it planned, the little activities that we would have done, how many kids we would have, even their names.. for both boy and girl..
I thought I had a future with someone, but it turned out to be nothing.. to that particular person that is.. If only I knew what to do... Couldn't even have the chance to look her in the eyes, give her a hug, give her my last kisses... The last "I love you" that the both of us would walk away with... And here I am crying over.. and over... and over again... What the hell am I holding on to? To her, there seems to be nothing there... I really need a reality check.. but the reality of it is, I still love her to death.. All those moments we spent together, everything we did, everything we talked about, the arguments, the make ups.. I cherished every fuckin moment of it.. and yet I'm still accused of not caring.. Which is due to my lack of self-control.. Can't hold my damn actions back for shit, wish I'd focus more on whats right rather than being sucked into the heat of the moment...
Why would I want to move on and try other girls to see what makes me happy? Its not like im trying on clothes... It's a god damn heart to heart thing.. The higher our love was for each other, the harder the drop was.. for me that is. I cant do anything but fuckin cry, look at old pics, and take a look back at once was with the videos we have... Hearing the "I love you's" along with the laughter and smiles.. the happiness we once had between us as a couple... Its so hard to say goodbye to someone that you thought would be there for the rest of your life.. You're basically losing someone that meant so much to you...
I miss the past.. when we would cupcake and talk for hours on the phone until we fall asleep on each other.. But that's over with now, isn't it?... Can't bring that back to life.. Everything is so different now.. So serious.. Too many fights, too many arguments.. but to me, it was all worth it... EVERY minute of what we had together..
First summer.. Didn't get to spend it with you.. Now this summer... I dont get to spend it with you... but on a way more sadder type of note... because i KNOW you don't want to be there.. I had so many plans to visit you, especially since I would be able to drive soon.. before we know it, Fall will hit... We'll both start school.. a new beginning.. a fresh new year.. but you're still going to be there, lingering in my head, I know this for sure.. Past, present?... Now where'd the future go?...
*Sigh.. I lost my train of thought... too much crying.. too much wiping.. too much thinkin and now my mind's jumbled around.. I'm graduating soon.. and you won't even be there to cheer me on and congratulate me, I wanted YOU to be a part of the memory of my graduation.. That's not gonna happen..
*I'll continue this whenever.. All I'm doing is crying... its too hard on me..*
It hurts to know that the person you love so much, the person that you had a relationship.. that person which is your very first TRUE love, and had so many experiences with.. thinks that everything we did.. was NOT worth it... That hit me real bad.. I've been bawlin' since I was at Keiths house, in the car, and when I got home, until now.. To know that something so big to someone, where it's basically your everything, from tendencies to what you're thinking in your head, can be minimized and erased, basically turning it into nothing.. It really sucks when you're lead on to thinking you have a bright future with someone, having it planned, the little activities that we would have done, how many kids we would have, even their names.. for both boy and girl..
I thought I had a future with someone, but it turned out to be nothing.. to that particular person that is.. If only I knew what to do... Couldn't even have the chance to look her in the eyes, give her a hug, give her my last kisses... The last "I love you" that the both of us would walk away with... And here I am crying over.. and over... and over again... What the hell am I holding on to? To her, there seems to be nothing there... I really need a reality check.. but the reality of it is, I still love her to death.. All those moments we spent together, everything we did, everything we talked about, the arguments, the make ups.. I cherished every fuckin moment of it.. and yet I'm still accused of not caring.. Which is due to my lack of self-control.. Can't hold my damn actions back for shit, wish I'd focus more on whats right rather than being sucked into the heat of the moment...
Why would I want to move on and try other girls to see what makes me happy? Its not like im trying on clothes... It's a god damn heart to heart thing.. The higher our love was for each other, the harder the drop was.. for me that is. I cant do anything but fuckin cry, look at old pics, and take a look back at once was with the videos we have... Hearing the "I love you's" along with the laughter and smiles.. the happiness we once had between us as a couple... Its so hard to say goodbye to someone that you thought would be there for the rest of your life.. You're basically losing someone that meant so much to you...
I miss the past.. when we would cupcake and talk for hours on the phone until we fall asleep on each other.. But that's over with now, isn't it?... Can't bring that back to life.. Everything is so different now.. So serious.. Too many fights, too many arguments.. but to me, it was all worth it... EVERY minute of what we had together..
First summer.. Didn't get to spend it with you.. Now this summer... I dont get to spend it with you... but on a way more sadder type of note... because i KNOW you don't want to be there.. I had so many plans to visit you, especially since I would be able to drive soon.. before we know it, Fall will hit... We'll both start school.. a new beginning.. a fresh new year.. but you're still going to be there, lingering in my head, I know this for sure.. Past, present?... Now where'd the future go?...
*Sigh.. I lost my train of thought... too much crying.. too much wiping.. too much thinkin and now my mind's jumbled around.. I'm graduating soon.. and you won't even be there to cheer me on and congratulate me, I wanted YOU to be a part of the memory of my graduation.. That's not gonna happen..
*I'll continue this whenever.. All I'm doing is crying... its too hard on me..*
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